In my dreams hostels are harmonious havens where travellers come to rest, make friends and learn about other cultures. At least, they could be if it wasn’t for guests committing the 7 Deadly Sins of Hostel Life.
Read on and then let me know in the comments if there are any sins you need to confess…
The 7 Deadly Sins of Hostel Life
In Ancient times those with too much pride acted out of over-confidence, consequentially causing their own downfall and the ruin of those around them.
In a hostel this equates to being too proud to tell the fit guest you’ve spotted in the kitchen that you can’t cook and were about to make cheese on toast.
Instead, wanting to impress the hottie and all others around them, you plan an epic dinner for the whole hostel that results in the kettle melting on the stove tops, the plastic containers bubbling up in the oven, tinned sauces exploding in the microwave and the fire alarm going off.
Just swallow your pride and admit you can’t cook. It’s fine.
Christianity defines greed as the endless lust for more material possessions than is needed by one person.
In a hostel, this is best represented by the drunken food thief. During the day, sneaky hostel guests might timidly steal a teaspoon or two of someone else’s milk for their coffee.
But after the sun sets and the Jägers have been downed, the drunken food thief returns with an endless lust for more food than is needed by one person. He might think he just wants a couple of slices of toast, but one glance at that bowl of pasta on the top shelf and the half-eaten pizza below it and he’ll soon be committing one of the 7 Deadly Sins of Hostel Life.
Gluttony is defined as over-consuming something you don’t need to the point of wasting it.
So really anyone that’s gone on a hostel bar crawl, downed a few shots and then propped up the bar for the rest of the night before trying to pull some 90s dance moves and then passing out in the wrong bunk bed has committed this Deadly Sin of Hostel Life.
But screw it. As they say: “Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere.“
Traditionally, lusting after someone with the end goal of having sex with them was seen to make you a slave of the devil.
In a hostel, it works the same way. There’s no difference and nothing to see here folks.
Just don’t lust after thy bunk-neighbour’s boyfriend while she’s sleeping and he’s drunk. Not cool.
Remember Cain and Abel? God preferred a sacrifice that Abel made, Cain got jealous and then killed his brother. Hardcore.
In hostels, it’s the equivalent of having to sleep on a top bunk while the girl below you snores into eternity. The next morning you go to breakfast and everyone’s commenting on how well-rested she looks and you’re all like: “There’s a reason I don’t look well-rested too! She snores like an elephant!”
Then you spend the whole day having to put up with her hilarious jokes because a) she has enough energy from her good night’s sleep to talk for England and b) she’s actually funny as well as gorgeous.
By the end of the day you’re completely consumed by envy and in the middle of the night you drag her out of her bottom bunk by her ankles and leave her snoring on the floor while you take her bunk.
6. Uncontrollable Anger
I’m going to leave this one with the hostel receptionists as when you’re backpacking life is just a dream. When you’re checking in backpackers… well it can be a nightmare. So here’s a couple of times I’ve committed or witnessed one of the 7 Deadly Sins of Hostel Life:
- I once spent night reception running around after an idiot who was too drunk to keep his voice down at 3am and kept urinating off the hostel balconies into the courtyard below
- A friend of mine got so fed up of telling a group of guests to wash up their own dishes in the kitchen that after they went out one night he took all their dinner plates and left in them in the middle of their dorm room which led to a rage-fuelled argument when they returned at 2am
This Deadly Sin comes from a few monks who became disinclined to motivate themselves in their duties to God.
I would say committing this Deadly Sin of Hostel Life puts you in line to be The Sleeper. If you’re too disinclined to motivate yourselves in your duties to see the world and would rather stay in bed all day, well that’s completely up to you.
But just be warned that if you fall asleep in the common room I will get my lipstick and draw on your face…
So tell me… how many of the 7 Deadly Sins of Hostel Life have you committed?
P.s. if you like this post you might like: 9 Types of People You’ll Meet in Hostels
Lots of love,
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